jOuRNey oF mY LiF

Berpindah.

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:53:53 GMT

Dengan segala hormatnya dimaklumkan bahawa blog saya telah dipindahkan ke BLOG BARU. atas sebab blogdrive ni tak bleh masuk gambar banyak.. tak beh la. Lagipun ni blog untuk zaman student2 saya dulu. Memandangkan saya dah pun jadik isteri dan mak orang, rasanya blog ni dah tak sesuai lagik.

Sila datang ke blog baru saya.

Cerita di bawah ni pun akan bersambung di sana hehe.

wassalam.

Melangkah ke hadapan

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 15:26:01 GMT

Bismillah

Today is the 48th day i'm in maternity leave... also it's already nearly 50 days after my second child passed away.

My second baby was a girl... born premature 29 week, 1.4 kg.

I want to remember her that's why i write it here.

It happened one night, about 4 am when i was sleeping, i felt a leak of fluid came out during sleeping. It terrified me as initially I thought I've got urine incontinence.. but after a few minutes, I felt a gush of fluid came out. I tried to hold it, but i can't. Panic jugak...memang betul2 ingat urine. Tapi, tak de rasa nak PU pun..

Then i went to the toilet.... but urine just came out a lititle. Then after that i suspected something not right... may be it's liquour? amniotic fluid.. org melayu kata pecah ketuban. Then i triedl to smell the fluid in the room that wet the sselimut..yes, it smells like liquour! I woke up my hubby and told him. He smelled.. yeah, liquor! and he panicked.

Anyway, I suggest to perform Subuh prayer first before going to the hospital.... and it already only 1 hour before Subuh. And i didn't worry much as i have no labour symptoms at all, and no urinary tract infection symptoms as well- that commonly cause leaking liquour.

My hubby amek EL. Pegi hospital... amik high vaginal swab, check Os.. closed, alhamdulillah. Fetal heart good. Fetal kick, present. Cuma bila buat scan, AFI nearly zero. Liquour hampir habis semua keluar. IM Dexamethasone injected... OUCH!! SAKIT! Tab Erythromycin given to cover for any infection.

18 Feb 09, Rabu, Kul 7.30, masuk wad. Betapa boringnye jadik patient.. baru tahu! Nasib baik dpt bilik single kat wad 12 tu.. ada bilik air sendiri kat dalam. Bebas la sket, tak de la rasa open air sangat. Boleh la bukak2 tudung jugak bila line clear..

Sepanjang hari tu, liquour still leak 1/2- 1 pad each shift. Specialist Dr Nik Azrita datang round...kata don't worry, liquour can be produced back. Cuma kalau sign of infection- abd pain ke, foul smelly discharge kena inform. Yang penting contraction pain kalau ada kena inform jugak, sbb nak tocolize ( inject medication to stop the contraction). Masa tu dah ada irregular, mild abd tightening, but no pain. So she said not to worry yet until pain present. OK la. lagi pun rasa cam mengeras sikit2 je.. sikit sangat, sampai was2, betul ke contraction ni? Jd ok lah, not to worry yet..

T. EES changed to IV antibiotics... IV flagyl tds ngan cefuroxime BD. Kul 8 mlm another injection of Dexa was given.. OUCH! again.. nasib baik dah complete 2 x je..

My hubby amek EL, tunggu malam tu. Tq dear.. tapi esoknya dia oncall.. sedih.

Esoknya 19 FEb.. initially everything goes well. FEtal kick..hmm.. present and active. liquour still leak same amount.. NO foul smelly discharge. No abd pain. No fever. Emm.. still irregular abd tightening. but no pain. not to worry. Hmm.. no specialist round today, only m.o with her h.o.m

My hubby sebelum subuh dah balik umah, tukar baju, nak kena pegi keja.. 1 hour journey.

Tengahari lunch hour umi and my sister Nana datang.. isk , rasa cam seram sejuk.. tak sedap badan pulak. Pastu rasa cam contraction pain kat suprapubic area.. rasa cam senggugut gitu. Tapi tak regular lagi.. tak pe lah kot. In the evening tu, dah became regular one in 15 min. Pastu badan rasa sejuk panas. Masa tu umi n nana dah balik. Nana kat nak datang malam..

Nasib baik masa nak solat maghrib, ayah ngoh n cik Ngoh datang. Pastu masa nurse datang amik observation tu, sy suh dia check temperature... yang sepatutnya tak perlu di suruh. Obviously in leaking liquour temperature should be taken 4 hourly to detect any raise of temp indicating of infection. All OnG staff should know that... or they think as i'm a doctor, i can detect the fever by myself, without the tools?

And there... the Temp was 38.9oC... and it raise to 40oC when I reach Labour room. The contraction up to 1:10 min. And I realised there was show (blood stained discharge- indicating labour progress) as well!

About half past 9pm, I was pushed to the labour room. Masa tu memang dah rasa regular pain... and the pain was stronger more frequent from time to time.
Alhamdulillah again, one room available . Kalau tak kena la duk cubicle yang closed by curtain je..

M.o reviewed... contraction dah 2 in 10 min. moderate pain. Temp 40 degree.. fetal heart present. CTG.. humm susah nak detect 29 weeker fetal heart by CTG. Os dah 3 cm.. Ya Allah..selamatkan anak ku.. White cell count raised from 10 to 23 thousand.. that means infection going on.

After discussed with specialist, tak boleh nak tocolized sebab infection. instead, had to augment with pitocin.. aduih.. mesti sakit. Alhamdulillah ventilator ada for my baby.. the last one. My hubby called from Hkk, said he'll came back.

Half an hour after pitocin run 2ii per hour, the pain became unbearable and more frequent and i felt the urge to push. And when i raised my leg, my babby just slide out easily because of her small size. It's a baby girl! Tapi.. kenapa my baby look so blue? and hardly cry.. Apgar Score 6, 8. The staff nurse rushed my baby out the room to the resuscitation room. Masa tu my hubby arrived. Sempat dia intubate our new baby. That was 12.44 am on 20th of February. She was then pushed to NICU. Ventilated.

3 days after that, i was discharged from ward. Subhanallah no more fever observed after i gave birth. Antibiotics changed to tablet to complete 10 days . . Alhamdulillah.
My baby.. still intubated, but no more sedated.. ventilator pun dah weaned down. Look like good improvement. NBM still, since there was aspiration from nasogastric tube. Tak boleh nak bagi breast feeding, tak boleh nak dukung, tak boleh nak cium.
Hanya boleh sentuh, tu pun lepas basuh tangan betul2.. untuk elakkan jangkitan kuman. Nampak aktif bila kena sentuh..

Thanks to SN Maimun.. datang bg semangat, cerita yang dia pun pernah lahirkan anak premature 750gm.. MashaAllah. Dan sekarang anak dia dah besar. We both motivated after heard the story of her child. Everyday me and my hubby came to see our baby 2-3 times per day.

To be continued...

Me.. the wife, the mother.. another episode of life

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 14:59:06 GMT

Salam..

It has been a long time.. so sorry for that. When there's more thing to do and to think, and to give more attention to, you will know yourself how to arrange it according to its priority.. err... no, it's not just an excuse! ..err..

well, sedar tak sedar, dah nak masuk 2 tahun i've been a wife ( and nearly 2 years i've been silent from writing..huhu).. and nearly 1 year i've became a mother. NOt long enuff, yes, I agreed. But i'm learning along the way.. so many things i've learnt so far, and so many things i've never expected to be.

Sebelum ni I think life is easy, I mean in 'my sense' of easy: belajar ilmu agama, amal ilmu agama, buat yang wajib, tinggal yang dilarang, cuba buat yang sunat, jaga hati ibu bapa, jaga hati orang lain, ikut peraturan, jangan ponteng kelas, jangan ponteng keje, jaga diri sendiri, perbaiki diri sendiri...diri sendiri...diri sendiri..diri sendiri....!!

Tapi bila dah kawen, things changes. I have to think about others, despite of think about myself in the way of making decisions, making improvement, in the way of betterment... about everything lah! and it's difficult. Emm.. very difficult in the beginning.. and I'm now still learning .

And when I'm becoming a mother, things keep changing. It's totally not only ME to make decision, it's US (me and my hubby). No such things of ME ME ME and ME anymore!! uhuuhh... and i'm trying to adapt to it.. because before i got married, i've always in my mind, i want my child to be like this ..like this..like this.. and now, i'm only one of my daughter parents. There's another one. We are a company.. we should work together.. huhu.. hopefully i can apply what i've planned before well enough..

And I've dare thought to quit my job when my baby just few months old.. which i never thought of it before she arrived. And of course it startled both of my parents! Both of them menentang habis2an.. iye lah, dah berpuluh2 ribu habis nak suh aku blajar jadi doktor, last2 sesedap rasa je kata nak quit.. hehe. Tapi, I later revealed that most of my friends that already married and had a child will feel that way as well, so... it's not only me who seems emotional duh, it's the natural feeling of becoming a mother and the will to give the best for our children. Tapi nasib baik tak jadi berenti, olok2 je tu.. (sebab tak habis lagi kontrak ngan JPa.. sapa pulak nak bayar nanti? hehe).... lagi pun bila my baby dah besar sikit, dah tak breastfeeding dah, ok dah sikit rasa. But now I think i'll not proceed with my ambition to become an OnG specialist. I'm not so happy to be oncalling and leave my children behind, even though i may be proud and happy to treat the mothers over there. May be I should persue my study on basic science instead, perhaps?... hmm... still under planning,..

Well, anyway, lots of things will happen onwards.. I'm so glad that I marry my man.. and i've learnt a lot from him about life. Life is actually the best teacher. And Life will be a happy one if you live this life happily... dan tak lupa.. hidup kita bukan hanya untuk hidup, tapi hidup kita adalah sebagai bekal untuk mati sahaja.

wallahua'lam. Semoga mendapat manfa'at.

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 17:42:40 GMT

WAJAHNYA KETIKA TIDUR.......

Pernahkah anda menatap wajah orang-orang
terdekat dengan anda ketika ia sedang tidur?
Kalau belum, cubalah sekali sahaja menatap
wajah-wajah ketenangan mereka ketika sedang
tidur.

Ketika itu yang kelihatan adalah
ekspresi paling
wajar dan paling jujur dari seseorang.

Seorang artis yang ketika di panggung,
di layar
perak, di kaca tv begitu cantik dan
gemerlapan pun
boleh jadi akan kelihatan sederhana dan jauh
berbeza jika ia sedang tidur. Orang
paling kejam di
dunia pun jika ia sudah tidur, tidak
akan kelihatan
wajah bengisnya.

Perhatikanlah ayah anda ketika beliau sedang
tidur. Sedarilah, betapa badan yang dulu
sasa dan
gagah itu kini semakin tua dan lemah, betapa
rambut-rambut putih mulai menghiasi
kepalanya,
betapa kerut merut mulai terpahat
diwajahnya.
Orang inilah yang setiap hari bekerja
keras untuk
kesejahteraan kita, anak-anaknya. Orang
inilah
rela melakukan apa sahaja asal perut
kita kenyang
dan pendidikan kita lancar.

Sekarang, beralihlah. Lihatlah ibu anda.
Hmm...
kulitnya mulai keriput dan tangan yang
dulu halus
membelai-belai tubuh bayi kita itu kini
kasar
kerana tempaan hidup yang keras. Orang
inilah
yang tiap hari mengurus keperluan kita.
Orang
inilah yang paling rajin mengingatkan dan
mengomeli kita semata-mata kerana rasa kasih
dan sayang, dan sayangnya, itu sering
kita salah
ertikan.

Cubalah menatap wajah orang-orang
tercinta itu :
Ayah, Ibu, Suami, Isteri, Kakak, Abang,
Adik,
Anak, Sahabat, Semuanya. Rasakanlah sensasi
yang timbul sesudahnya. Rasakanlah
energi cinta
yang mengalir perlahan-lahan ketika menatap
wajah yang terlelap itu. Rasakanlah
getaran cinta
yang mengalir deras ketika mengingat betapa
banyaknya pengorbanan yang telah dilakukan
orang-orang itu untuk kebahagiaan anda.

Pengorbanan yang kadang2 tertutup oleh
kesalah-
fahaman kecil yang entah kenapa selalu
sahaja
nampak besar. Secara ajaib Tuhan
mengatur agar
pengorbanan itu dapat kelihatan lagi
melalui wajah-
wajah jujur mereka ketika sedang tidur.

Pengorbanan yang kadang2 melelahkan namun
enggan mereka ungkapkan. Dan ekspresi wajah
ketika tidur pun mengungkap segalanya. Tanpa
kata, tanpa suara dia berkata : "betapa
lelahnya
aku hari ini". Dan penyebab lelah itu?
Untuk siapa
dia berlelah-lelah? Tidak lain adalah
kita. Suami
yang bekerja keras mencari nafkah,
isteri yang
bekerja keras mengurus dan mendidik
anak, juga
rumah. Kakak, abang, adik, anak, dan sahabat
yang telah melalui hari-hari suka dan duka
bersama kita.

Resapilah kenangan-kenangan manis dan pahit
yang pernah terjadi dengan menatap
wajah-wajah
mereka.

Rasakanlah betapa kebahagiaan dan keharuan
seketika terganggu jika mengingat itu semua.

Bayangkanlah apa yang akan terjadi jika
keesokan
hari mereka; orang-orang yang dikasihi
itu tidak
lagi membuka matanya, selama-lamanya... ..

If you can touch it and you can see it,
it's REAL...

If you can touch it but you can't see
it, it's
TRANSPARENT...

If you can't touch it but you can see
it, it's
VIRTUAL...

If you can't touch it and you can't see
it, it's
GONE...

Hey..! You've got a letter here......

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 16:42:15 GMT

Letter to a Muslim Student

Sayyed Hassan Al Banna

[Hassan al Banna was born in 1906 in Egypt into a family of scholars. In 1928, he formed Ikhwan al Muslimeen (the Muslim Brotherhood organization). This movement for the revival of Islam soon spread across Egypt and the region. In December 1948, the Muslim Brotherhood organization was suppressed and thousands of its members arrested. Hassan al Banna was spared arrest only to be assassinated in February 1949.

Letter to a Muslim Student is the English translation of a letter that Hassan al Banna wrote to one of his students that was studying in the West. The sincere advice contained in this letter is drawn from the perennial values and ethos of Islam. It reminds the addressee and indeed all Muslims that the first and foremost goal in a Muslims life is to please God and live in accordance to His sacred law. Also, it brings home that studying ought not to be an end in itself or for seeking material gain. A Muslim ought to excel in his or her study in order to work for Islam and benefit humanity.]

My brother in Islam (who may Allah guard and protect). I praise Allah for there is no god but Him. May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Muhammad, who was sent as a mercy to all of humanity, upon his family, companions and on all those who hold fast to the Shariah until the Day of Judgement.

May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon you when you travel with a proper intention and a noble purpose, and when you return with a sound endeavor and to a dedicated cause.

May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon you as you serve Islam with the finest fruits of science and the best of knowledge.

Dearest brother, you will be amongst people you have not known before and characters you are not accustomed to. In you they will see the example of a Muslim. So make sure they see in you the best example and the finest image, in order for them to understand that the word 'Muslim' embodies virtue and nobility.

With you is a precious trust, that is your righteous wife, appreciate this. Towards her be a trustworthy companion. Provide her with comfort and happiness. Share with her felicity, without being careless in acquiring your rights and negligent in performing your duties.

Read these few words that are borne out of my love and sincerity for you, as an elder brother expressing for his brother and sister the best wishes and the happiest life.

O my brother, excel in your observance of Allah (swt) in all your dealings. Understand that He (swt) keeps watch over you, sees you and encompasses all that is of concern to you - wherever you are. He knows the treachery of your eyes and all that your heart conceals. Strive not to let Allah (swt) see you, except that He is pleased with you.
Do not be unmindful in your observance of the One (glorified and exalted is He), otherwise Satan will infiltrate you and you will be overcome by the whispers of your whims and desires. Believe, my dearest brother, that whenever a heart is conscious of Allah's observance, it will never be approached by Satan. However, once it departs from Allah's awareness, evil will be attracted to it and it will be inhabited by whims and desires. So, consolidate your heart with the observance of Allah and in vigil seek refuge from your surroundings and do not be among the unmindful.

Perform the obligatory duties which Allah has enjoined upon you, at their appointed times. Do not neglect them by relying on performing them at a later time, because you are busy with work or resorting to other excuses for justification. This is a deception of your own self and of your own whims: And follow not desire that it beguile you from the way of Allah (Sad 38: 26).
Understand also my dearest brother that no one draws nearer to Allah with anything more beloved to Him than performing the obligatory duties as stated in the hadith of al-Bukhari. So be aware not to neglect your obligatory duties or feel lazy in performing them; they are Allah's right over you. Be steadfast in prayer and perfect your fast.

If you are in a state of complete inability to fast, then according to the saying of Allah (swt) you have a remission: ... For those who are capable of fasting (but still do not fast) there is a redemption: feeding a needy man for each day missed. Whoever, voluntarily, does more good than is required, will find it is better for him; and that you should fast is better for you, if you only know (al-Baqara 2: 184). But be aware not to take this verse as an excuse for falling short.

Fasting with hardship in the homeland of the West will earn you a valuable reward and be an asset to your account; it is pleasing to your Lord and righteous to yourself. So do not attempt to break the fast, unless you are unable to complete it. I need not advise you, any further, towards your obligatory duties, after all they are your capital. Can you imagine one who has wasted his capital, what will his state be amongst tomorrow's profit makers?

Spend whatever time you can in performing supererogatory works as duties of obedience. Perform the sunna prayers. Increase your appeal for forgiveness and the praising of your Glorified Lord. Remember, that ones supplication, during travel or in expatriation, will be answered; hence, increase your supplication in secret and in humility. Continue your remembrance of Allah (swt).
The Prophet (saw) advised Ali (ra) to continuously dampen his tongue in the remembrance of Allah. Do not abandon that path which leads you to nothing but duties and obedience, they are like an investment that multiply rewards. The remembrance of Allah amongst the unmindful nations is like a shining light. So make use of this time, for it is a season to harvest the rewards of the Hereafter, only for those who wish to seize the opportunities and benefit from such seasons.

Increase your recitation of the Glorious Quran with understanding and deliberation. It is a healing for the soul and a comfort to the heart. Designate from it a portion to read at the beginning of the day and a portion to read at the end of it, hence the best beginning and the best end.
In the delights of life and pleasures of the world, you will see that which inclines the heart, impresses the mind, attracts the eye and bewilders those whose spirits are weak. Do not let these seduce you away from virtue and cause you to forget the Hereafter: Do not turn your eyes covetously towards the embellishments of worldly life that We have bestowed upon various kinds of people to test them. But the clean provision bestowed upon you by your Lord is better and more enduring. Enjoin Prayer on your household, and do keep observing it. We do not ask you for any worldly provision; rather, it is We Who provide you. The ultimate end is for piety (Ta Ha 20: 131-2).
Be aware my dearest brother that in the sight of Allah (swt) all these pleasures weigh not even the wing of a gnat and lead neither to honor nor virtue. They are nothing but the manifestations of whims and pitfalls of seduction. So be careful not to let Satan deceive you, otherwise you will plunge into the abyss of sin and corruption.

Always remember the words of Allah (swt): Men are naturally tempted by the lure of women, children, treasures of gold and silver, horses of mark, cattle and plantations. These are the enjoyments in the life of this world; but with Allah lies a goodly abode to return to (Al Imran 3:14). The Book of Allah recites these facts day and night. So do not be amongst those who favor the worldly life over the Hereafter, or amongst those deceived by the outward appearance of things without considering their essence.

All pleasures brought by contemporary civilization will result in nothing other than pain. A pain that will overwhelm their enticement and remove their sweetness. So avoid the worldly aspects of these people; do not let it take over your command and deceive you, if you are to be among the successors.

Dearest brother, what Allah has made Haram (unlawful) for us, those people consider it as Halal (lawful) for them. Hence, when they commit a Haram (unlawful) act, they will neither feel ashamed nor will they refrain from perpetrating it. You should neither agree with their whims nor mix with them in their sins. Otherwise, you will not be relieved from having to answer before Allah (swt) and it will not hold as an excuse on the Day of Judgment.
Do not take their girls for company, and do not let there develop between you and them, any special friendship or any emotional relationship. If this kind of socializing is a sin for those other than you, then it is a sin twice as great for you and you know well the meaning of this. Although you are known to us to be one that is trustworthy and decent, I have mentioned this to you, to caution you against the downfalls of sins so that your feet may never slip. And in your chastity let there be content and in your dignity let there be adequacy.
As for alcohol, do not approach it and do not use the climate as an excuse, because when Allah made it Haram (unlawful), He had full knowledge about all types of climate but did not exclude one country from another or one nation from another from this prohibition. Allah (swt) made it forbidden with neither doubt nor exception. So be aware not to let it occupy a part of your abdomen, otherwise it will remain as a black spot on its pure skin.
Be determined as much as possible before the first drink. Because once your mind is concealed by it, you will follow it by the second and third drink, whereby you will have fallen into a pit, difficult to escape from and will have incriminated yourself and others. then, even if you expiated this sin with repentance, you would still not match your original purity and superb credibility.

Do not taste anything in those restaurants which serve Haram (unlawful) food, like pork and dead meat. In that which is Halal (lawful) you have a substitute and enough for contentment. So do not taste the Haram (unlawful) and do not let your flesh grow on it, otherwise fire is what it deserves. Allah (swt) has prohibited that which is impure: . . . He enjoins upon them what is good and forbids them what is evil... (al-Araf 7: 157). So leave that which is bad for that which is good.
As for casinos, night-clubs, and other such places of vanity, your time is far too precious to be wasted in them. I have looked into the saying, time is made of gold, and I do not approve of it. Time is far more precious than gold, for time is life. Is it not true that your life is nothing but a few hours and you never know when they will end? Dearest brother, be stringent with your time and do not spend it except in that which is significant, and acquire pleasure in that which is lawful.
In the heavens there is calmness and on the earth there is beauty. In the gardens there is freshness and in you there is a sign. In the sea there is might and in the air there is nourishment. Take from all this comfort for your soul and recovery for your mind. And do not waste your time by being unmindful, this will shield you from good and lead you to evil.

Be critical, with insight, and be just and well acquainted with people. Do not let your goodness draw you to forget their bad, and their bad hurt you to forget their goodness. Rather study them as would a researcher and an examiner. Encompass with knowledge all of their affairs, and then with an eye of insight, scrutinize it all. Present back the good that you find to your people and nation, and return with it victorious and supported. Other than that, throw it back on them and do not come back until you have dusted off your hands and emptied your mind of it all.
You will find there a group of people dishonoring your Prophet (saw), faulting your Quran and disgracing your people. Do not sit with such people, until they turn to a different theme, even if it is necessary for you to enter into a dialogue with them. Argue with them in the best manner. Explain to them the good that you know and avoid controversies that lead to hatred and sedition (fitnah).

Lo! You (O Mohammed) guide not whom you love, but Allah guides whom he will. And He is best aware of those who walk aright (al-Qasas 28: 56).

Dearest brother, be aware that calling the people through practical example is far better than calling them through speech. It is far more fruitful and beneficial to use your commendable character, the perfection of yourself and your straight manner to defend and call them to your religion and nation. Whenever an opportunity arises for you to deliver a speech or a lecture at one of their meeting places or societies, prepare yourself for it. Choose that which will not stir disorder and that which will not offend integrity. Do not be apprehended by their stance, because Allah's aid is with those who are sincere. Be positive and do not insult other people's beliefs instead, elucidate to them their innate goodness and reveal to them our beliefs. By doing so, you will have adequately promoted awareness and incentive.

Finally, and there is still so much for me to say and I would have loved to continue this advice with you, yet my concern is that if I prolong this discourse any more, you may forget most of what I have said; for over speaking does distract one from what is being said. For both of you then, may Allah raise you to be the best of the successors and may His safety accompany you.

May He protect both of you and return you in goodness, as is wishes by those who are sincere. I entrust to Allah your religion, your obligations and the outcome of your actions. May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon you. Ameen

Allah ada di mana?

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 02:25:08 GMT

Pernah dengar orang kata Allah di langit? betul ke Allah di langit?

Kan ke Allah itu tidak berjisim dan tak memenuhi ruang, sebab sifatnya tidak menyerupai makhluk yang berjisim dan memenuhi ruang....

Allah bukan dilangit ke?

Inni ra-aitu....

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 13:25:23 GMT

Bismillah.

A very quick entry i guess. Too many things to say, but if you keep it too long, you will have no desire to talk about it anymore, right? huhu... and time is too precious just to spend it in front of this computer (although i already waste it la anyway...).

So, kejap tak kejap, dah nak habis satu posting... rasa cam more comfortable, tapi still hampeh lagi. Keja tak cekap2 jugak. tapi tak pe, aku kan housemen je, bukan specialist...hahak. Tak sabar nak habiskan posting ni, tak sabar nak masuk posting lain, dan tak sabar nak habiskan housemenship....tak sabar nak jadi m.o, tak sabar nak amek master, tak sabar nak bukak klinik sendiri, keje sendiri, balik ofis hour...huahuahua... alangkah indahnya berangan2 ni. Camana nak jadi konfiden dan berani cam dulu ni???!!

Banyak menda jadi... mak azwati meninggal... innalillah, takziah kepada dia. Aa nak kawin this week.. congrats! Tak sabar nak gi perlis. Db, mardhiah ngan k.nur alhamdulillah dah selamat melahirkan baby girls.... harap semuanya jadi muslimah solehah. Supaya orang2 beriman bertambah ramai, bukan golongan2 hampeh aje yang ramai. K.na pegnen... and mee too.. !! huhu...awat cepat sangat? apa nak buat...rezeki tu...doa aje lah supaya segalanya selamat.

Melangkah selangkah lagi ke alam baru. And me growing old.. My parents too... moga aku menjadi anak solehah. Dan berjaya mendidik anak2 menjadi anak yang soleh-solehah.

P/s: duk wad bayi ni macam2 baby ada. Yang normal, yang tak normal....jadi takut pulak.. Ya Allah, mintak dijauhkan perkara2 yang buruk daripada berlaku. Amin.

Habis satu posting.... cepatnya masa berlalu!!

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 13:25:00 GMT

This is sweet......

----------------------------------------------------------------

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

Written by a former child
Author Unknown

A message every adult should read, because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in God.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's alright to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, 'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.'

Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher or friend) influences the life of a child. How will you touch the life of someone today?

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heii...!! It's me!!

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 08:19:12 GMT

bismillah.

It's already 2 months since I started working on August and it's already a week of Ramadhan. So fast that I barely noticed it. With the hectic ward works, it's hard for me to stay awake during the tarawikh time ...(especially when the imaam read long verses Qur'an huhuhu... so sad to say..).. and it's hard even to finish the 30 juzu' within this month. So, at which level will be my puasa this Ramadhan? I just rely on my duty...which will be my saham if i do it THE BEST for Allah (dengan susah payahnya cuba bersabar dan tersenyum kepada pesakit2 yang banyak songeh disaat2 aku keletihan...huuu..ya Allah, berikan aku kekuatan utk terus tersenyum ...huhu)

2 of my best buddies dah selamat bersalin last week..... both got daughter..(bertambah lagi la bilangan kaum pompuan di dunia nih..hahak...). When will be my turn ek? hmm... I want children, but not during this first posting which I am just adapting myself to get into new environment (which is quite tension and stressful actually on the first few weeks...now, it seems better) What i've learnt so far is that just ignore what the peoples did to you. What is more important is what you do to others is counted. Tak kira la se lembab mana pun keje yang kita buat (I'm a person who is slow learner, slow doer (huhuhu) and not outspoken) if you do it the best for the patient (not just doing it for the sake of doing it) and if you had follow all of the orders, show your responsibility, interest to learn and to improve, ignore others.

For God sake, don't try to change me if I can't.....just show me the way...

Wahai sahabat...izinkan..ku berbicara...buat seketika

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 12:08:54 GMT

Kawan di akhir zaman ini

Kawan di akhir zaman ini
Payah untuk kita ketemui
Yang benar-benar sibuk
Dengan urusan baiki diri nya
Yang ada kini hanya
Sibuk dengan urusan mengumpul dunia
Walau di ketahui dunia ini hanya menipu daya

Kawan di akhir zaman ini
Payah untuk kita ketemui
Yang bergelumang dengan majlis ilmu menafaat Yang sanggup bersusah dan 
penat
Dalam mengejar dan memahami ilmu menafaat Yang ada kini hanya lah
Berbangga dengan ijazah yang menjela
Tapi ilmu fardhu Ain nya kosong belaka

Kawan di akhir zaman ini
Payah untuk kita ketemui
Ahli professional yang bertaqwa
Yang benar-benar meletakan Islam di jiwa
Mengunakan profession nya sebagai matlamat ke akhirat sana Yang ada 
hanya ahli professional yang lalai dan leka Yang hidup nya lebih barat 
dari barat
Ibadah dan amal terasa amat berat

Kawan di akhir zaman ini
Payah untuk kita ketemui
Yang bersilaturrahim kerana tiada kepentingan Yang berhubung hanya niat 
bertanya khabar
Yang ada hanya
Yang berkroni untuk mendapat projek yag sedia ada Bersahabat untuk 
mendapat laba

Kawan di akhir zaman ini
Payah untuk kita temui
Yang suka berbincang mengenai dosa-dosa sendiri Yang menghidupkan ilmu 
yang ada
Yang mensyiarkan Islam pada diri mereka
Yang ada hanyalah
Yang suka berbincang dosa-dosa orang lain Yang menghidupkan sunnah 
barat
Yang melupakan kehidupan akhirat

Kawan di akhir zaman ini
Susah untuk kita temui
Yang menjadikan masjid tempat pertemuan
Yang menjadikan program usrah tempat berkenalan Yang ada hanya
Yang menjadikan komplek tempat membuang umur Yang menjadikan disko dan 
pesta sebagai tempat berhibur

Kawan di akhir zaman ini
Susah untuk kita temui
Yang menjadikan sunnah sebagai hiburan
Menjadikan nasyid nyayian harian
Menjadikan selawat ucapan kelaziman
Yang ada hanya
Artis di jadikan bahan pujaan
Nyanyian melalaikan di jadikan hiburan
Dianggap moden dan berketrampilan

Kawan di akhir zaman ini
Susah untuk kita temui
Yang senantisa merasai mati itu sangat hampir Yang senantiasa merasai 
jelingan Izrail
Menangis cemas mengenangkan saat kematian Merintih sayu mengenangkan 
persediaan
Yang ada hanya
Yang panjang angan-angan
Mengumpul dunia kerja seharian
Seolah kematian itu sangat jauh
Seperti alam barzakh itu tidak di tempuh